So a couple of months ago, I wrote a post about my inability to come out at work/rotations because I'm afraid it will affect my grade. I wish I could say that this has changed since then, but it hasn't, and I've actually had a number of experiences where people have just assumed even further that I'm straight.
Today's example actually ticked me off a little bit (actually it ticked me off a lot). This year, our family medicine clerkship got revamped, so instead of a month of family medicine, we have family medicine days one day, every other week, for the entire academic year. They think it'll help with longitudinal relationships with patients (yea..that's not gonna happen).
This also means I'm stuck with one preceptor for the entire year....and to say that I'm having a horrible time with this preceptor is an understatement. I was actually interested in going into family medicine as one of my possible residencies..but this preceptor has deterred me from that decision. I've asked to get placed with another preceptor with no avail (surprise surprise).
The first thing that bothers me about her is the fact that she does not let me see patients on my own before she sees them. It's essentially become like a shadowing program. I'm not learning anything! I've even asked her if I could see the patients first because it's something we're expected to do, but so far, I've only seen one patient on my own (and she interrupted us midway).
The more aggravating thing about her is her unprofessionalism. She always talks to me about patients that irritate her, and of course, I'm not going to say, "please stop being inappropriate" cause she basically determines my entire grade. So I just nod along...
One time, an Indian patient came for a checkup, and afterwards, my preceptor would comment on how much the patient smelled and how she needs to get some air freshener in the room....I mean come on! What kind of physician are you?
Now how does this tie into the whole theme of me not being able to come out at work? Well today, there was a patient who came in cause of an episode of rectal bleeding/blood in his stool that he was worried about. After working up the patient, my preceptor comments on how she forgot to ask him if he's had any anal intercourse. And then she says, to me, "well he seemed like a normal guy so he probably didn't have any. right? he looked like a normal guy, right?". At that moment, I had the urge to say, "so...gay guys aren't normal??" but again, I had to refrain myself, telling myself that this woman will determine my entire grade. Damnit.
Afterwards I began to wonder if she would have said that if she knew that I was gay. I'm tempted to go in in 2 weeks and wear very flamboyant clothing and just show her how gay and fabulous I am...but that's not me and I don't think it's right for her to assume that I'm straight in the first place. Actually, it's not right for her to think that straight sex = normal and gay sex = abnormal. Man, I thought doctors were supposed to be educated!
I'm sorry to hear about your preceptor. My med/peds preceptor was a little like that in that he assumed that most teen guys were straight and didn't need the HPV vaccine when they asked about it. I almost said something every time, but like you, he determines a good chunk of my grade (he's otherwise a really great guy).
ReplyDeleteI was blessed to have an amazing preceptor for family medicine, so much so that he ALMOST convinced me into going into family medicine. It's a tad unfortunate how who you're paired up with during a rotation can so color your perception of that rotation. If you can, I'd say to try to take a step back and assess whether you can see yourself doing the work of that specialty day in and day out, regardless of the person who's grading you (though the people you work with do matter).
Yea, I'm definitely trying to see how I feel about family medicine as a profession without the influence of my preceptor. I guess I didn't realize how little time they spend with each patient.
DeleteMy family medicine preceptor spent anywhere between 10 minutes and an hour with a patient. He has a philosophy where he spends 1 hour with every new patient ON JUST THE HISTORY. Then has the patient come back later for like 30 minutes just for a complete physical. It's quite impressive, I don't think I have that kind of time/patience, haha.
DeleteCourage man! That's one thing I hated about school: that one person can decide about your future. With good people that's no problem, you can discuss with them, and they can handle a different opinion. But when that person suffers from tunnel-vision or is just a bad one, it sucks that you have to 'prostitute' yourself to that person in the sense of taking all his opinions for true and hide your true selve, even if what they are thinking makes no sense or is totally inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteWhen I did architectural studies I once had an experience like that too. That man just laughed with everything I made and even destroyed my scale models I worked on for weeks, telling they looked better when smashed into pieces. It really hurted me, because I just knew I wasn't that bad (even good) at it, I finished my first grade as second out of 200+ students but in his class I was suddenly a zero? It was one of the big reasons to change my major and take landscaping instead, although there were others too.
So good luck to go through, one day you'll be glad you dealed with it!
Yea, it just sucks that these people are supposed to be our "role models", yet I can't think of one thing that she does that I would want to do for my future practice. Thanks for the encouragement, hopefully it doesn't get worse than it is haha.
DeleteThanks! I already know that I'm basically stuck with this preceptor for the year...so I guess I'll have to try and make the most of it.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, this is what most homosexual men and women have to endure on a daily basis professionally. I've found that it can only make you a stronger person though. However, i do not think it would be out of line if you expressed your disapproval of her comments.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, maybe a simple response to her comment about the Indian patient could have been 'i had no problem with the way he or she smelled.' This could have served as an indication that you disapproved of her comments. Responses like this I find are polite, direct; and seem professional without crossing most peoples' boundaries. My only concern is that if you let it linger, she will probably think you agree with her in the future.
I do not think you need to come out to anyone at work because i would be a hypocrite if i said so. At the end of the day, i think you're doing the right things. Good luck and thank you for being comfortable to share your stories so openly.
Thanks for your suggestion. Yea I guess that would be a more subtle/professional way of expressing how I feel, I just feel like she's the type of person who would get pissed that I don't agree with her and would hold that grudge against me.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI am having flashbacks to third year rotations reading this post. It is said we doctors eat our young, and I completely believe this. At a time when we should be surrounded by role models, we are too often stuck with jaded, burnt-out, bitter interns and residents who can make our lives a living hell. On the flip-side, though, it is a way to get a non-sugar-coated picture of what training in that particular field can be like.
ReplyDeleteI think you handled it with a lot more maturity than I would have. I tend to get really confrontational when confronted with ignorance and prejudice. Maybe that is why I barely passed the Ob/Gyn rotation! LOL
Yea I guess a lot of us enter third year with certain expectations that our superiors would be these great role models, when in actuality, we realize that everyone has his/her flaws. It also seems sad how jaded some people become in the medical profession. I wonder how these people were in med school though.
DeleteOMG - this upsets me so much! Sigh.
ReplyDelete