I'm glad that for the next two weeks, I can pretty much do nothing and not worry about school. It's shocking to know that third year is exactly half over with. I'm definitely proud of how I'm doing so far in third year (managed to get honors in all my rotations so far, although I still have surgery, ob/gyn, and psych left) and I would really wanna end third year with all honors, but that's easier said than done.
Right before winter break started, we basically had a week of lectures that kept emphasizing planning for fourth year and applying for residencies...it was stressful to say the least. All these talks about ranking, importance of grades, when to take step 2, etc. got me (and the rest of the class) pretty stressed out. It also motivated me to work harder so that I can get an internal med residency in the city (I'm really hoping for either NYU or Mount Sinai). I've also pretty much decided on IM after eliminating emergency med and anesthesiology from my list. Unless I fall in love with surgery (which I don't see happening) I think IM-->GI is the path for me.
I've also been pretty good about working out on a very consistent basis...but I'm not sure if I'm getting any results! It's sorta upsetting. I'll have to post pictures later and maybe you guys can tell me if there have been any changes since the previous one!
In regards to my dating life, I actually met up with the guy I blogged about before! It was a pretty short hangout because we were both busy with our respective lives, but it was also fun to hangout. The only thing I'm worried about is the fact that our relationship might be heading towards the friends with benefits realm...which is something I wanna avoid. Both times we've hungout, we've ended up hooking up (not going all the way, but pretty much lol). I mean I have no complaints about it cause it was hot (and he's hot) but I wonder if we're just hanging out so that we hook up. Oh well I guess I have to see what the future holds. We told each other that the next time we hangout, it'll be handsoff haha. I wonder how that'll workout.
So yea, for the next two weeks, I'm planning to sleep many hours, hangout with friends, eat tons of food, workout a lot, and do some leisure reading. I'm excited!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Can't believe it's almost December!
So third year is almost halfway done....can't believe it went by so quickly! I'm currently on my emergency medicine rotation, and I thought I would have liked it more than I do. I guess a part of it is getting used to the flow of the emergency room and the fact that we only have 2 weeks on the rotation (8 shifts). It also doesn't help that we have to get an evaluation from an attending/resident every single shift. Why can't I just learn without being evaluated all the time?!
I did get some good news today, ended up getting an honors in my Medicine rotation! I was pleasantly surprised cause that rotation was hard as hell, some residents/attendings gave me average evaluations, and the shelf exam was seriously harder than any exam I had ever taken (I think harder/more random than step 1). I'm still waiting for my ambulatory (primary care) grade, and obviously I'm hoping that I get an honors there too. I guess I'm pretty stoked cause most of my grades in second year were just "pass" and I think my strengths lie in talking to people/interacting with people rather than studying and taking exams that determine my entire grade. I still have 3 more core rotations to go through so let's hope that the momentum carries over.
Since the last time I wrote, I also had a great date with a guy. The only thing is, I have no idea where things are going with him. He actually came over to my place for our first meeting (yea I know, pretty bold) but as soon as we sat down on my couch, it just felt incredibly comfortable, like I've known this guy for much longer. We did end up fooling around a little bit even though I told myself to take things very slow...but I guess we just got caught up in the moment. The thing that sucks is that both our schedules are so busy that we haven't been able to meet up again. We do still talk, but not as much as we used to and I guess I'm just afraid that he's lost interest (cause I sure haven't). I hate getting my hopes up though, and even though I would love to have this guy as my future boyfriend, I know that relationships take a lot more work than just two people liking each other. It also doesn't help that he lives pretty far. Oh well, I guess I'll see how it goes (and prevent myself from getting too attached, which is what usually happens).
I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving break! I think I took ~3 naps on thanksgiving day, and it was glorious! I've never slept that much in a long time. It was nice to just relax and enjoy good company with my family while eating great food. Unfortunately, my break got cut short cause they scheduled me to do two ER shifts this past weekend. Sorta sucked cause I had a lot of plans with friends from back home, but what are you gonna do? I've also been hitting the gym a lot more lately. I gave in and started taking creatine cause I feel like I've hit a plateau and haven't been able to gain anymore weight after hitting 150-155 pounds. This is what my body looked like a month ago (warning, another tool picture coming up)-->
Hopefully there will be some changes in a couple of months!
Alright, until the next update!
I did get some good news today, ended up getting an honors in my Medicine rotation! I was pleasantly surprised cause that rotation was hard as hell, some residents/attendings gave me average evaluations, and the shelf exam was seriously harder than any exam I had ever taken (I think harder/more random than step 1). I'm still waiting for my ambulatory (primary care) grade, and obviously I'm hoping that I get an honors there too. I guess I'm pretty stoked cause most of my grades in second year were just "pass" and I think my strengths lie in talking to people/interacting with people rather than studying and taking exams that determine my entire grade. I still have 3 more core rotations to go through so let's hope that the momentum carries over.
Since the last time I wrote, I also had a great date with a guy. The only thing is, I have no idea where things are going with him. He actually came over to my place for our first meeting (yea I know, pretty bold) but as soon as we sat down on my couch, it just felt incredibly comfortable, like I've known this guy for much longer. We did end up fooling around a little bit even though I told myself to take things very slow...but I guess we just got caught up in the moment. The thing that sucks is that both our schedules are so busy that we haven't been able to meet up again. We do still talk, but not as much as we used to and I guess I'm just afraid that he's lost interest (cause I sure haven't). I hate getting my hopes up though, and even though I would love to have this guy as my future boyfriend, I know that relationships take a lot more work than just two people liking each other. It also doesn't help that he lives pretty far. Oh well, I guess I'll see how it goes (and prevent myself from getting too attached, which is what usually happens).
Hopefully there will be some changes in a couple of months!
Alright, until the next update!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sandy, the homewrecker...and other updates (warning, long post)
So as most people across the nation know, the northeast was hit pretty hard by hurricane/tropical storm Sandy. I feel like a lot of people didn't take it too seriously before it hit because there was a lot of hype with hurricane Irene last year..and that wasn't as bad as people thought it would be. Unfortunately, Sandy hit hard, and I feel that a lot of people weren't prepared/expecting it (including myself). I found out late Sunday that my clinical duties for Mon/Tues were cancelled (I'm working in outpatient/primary care at an endocrinology clinic right now) so I was definitely happy cause I still need time to study for the ambulatory and internal med shelfs (standardized exams at the end of rotations). The rain/wind wasn't too bad Sunday night, and Monday morning, I even went to the gym so get a last minute workout in, just in case it wasn't open the following days (and there were actually a lot of people who were at the gym haha). In the afternoon, a few friends came over to study and chill, and at about 4 PM, all the power just went out. I really wasn't prepared because I had one candle, one flashlight, and a ton of (perishable) food in the fridge that I didn't anticipate going bad. I still kept on thinking that the power would come back soon..but it never happened. Turns out, most of LI lost power, the hospital lost power for a short period, which also meant no studying for awhile.
It definitely felt weird being isolated from the outside world with no internet/tv, not knowing really what was going on in the rest of the northeast region. Of course I was pretty antsy all night long, but it felt really good to just not care about anything, and instead, talk to friends and watch movies all night long. I ended up coming back home to queens yesterday cause my parents still had power, and I'm still waiting to see if I have work tomorrow (the clinic still doesn't have power). In the meantime, I'm enjoying some home cooked meals and getting some productive studying in.
The last time I updated, I was still on Internal Medicine (IM). I gotta say..I really enjoyed it. Yea it was a lot of work, and yea there were lots of pimping sessions (where attendings ask students tons of questions and put them on the spot), but I didn't mind it at all. I realized that I really enjoyed IM when I didn't mind staying till 8/9 PM for the shifts. I also realized that I really want to go into gastroenterology. I had a lot of exposure to the field during my rotation and got to see some cool procedures. It's supposed to be a competitive field so I'm trying to get a head start and become involved in some research, which has been hard to do with my third year schedule. One thing that I really hated about IM was the fact that grading seemed so subjective and based on luck. When I would get verbal feedback from my residents/attendings, they would tell me I'm doing a great job and wouldn't really tell me things I should improve on, but in the written evals that count towards my grade, they would only give me a pass or high pass...and some would tell me that they don't give out higher than high passes....Perhaps I'm being too whiny about this, but I know that I want to go into a fairly competitive program in NYC, and I know third year grades matter a lot (basically getting honors). So yea, I guess I just need to rock the hell out of the shelf exam to even have a shot at getting an honors in IM.
In regards to my dating life, it's still been nonexistent. Well not completely. I've been talking to a couple of guys online/texts and we were actually supposed to meet up this week, but due to the hurricane, had to cancel everything. And I guess everyone's priorities revolve around getting power back/cleaning things around/outside the house, so who knows when I'll go on another date. I also met a guy online who ended up coming over to my place (after we talked for weeks)...but I'll have to save that story for another time haha.
It definitely felt weird being isolated from the outside world with no internet/tv, not knowing really what was going on in the rest of the northeast region. Of course I was pretty antsy all night long, but it felt really good to just not care about anything, and instead, talk to friends and watch movies all night long. I ended up coming back home to queens yesterday cause my parents still had power, and I'm still waiting to see if I have work tomorrow (the clinic still doesn't have power). In the meantime, I'm enjoying some home cooked meals and getting some productive studying in.
The last time I updated, I was still on Internal Medicine (IM). I gotta say..I really enjoyed it. Yea it was a lot of work, and yea there were lots of pimping sessions (where attendings ask students tons of questions and put them on the spot), but I didn't mind it at all. I realized that I really enjoyed IM when I didn't mind staying till 8/9 PM for the shifts. I also realized that I really want to go into gastroenterology. I had a lot of exposure to the field during my rotation and got to see some cool procedures. It's supposed to be a competitive field so I'm trying to get a head start and become involved in some research, which has been hard to do with my third year schedule. One thing that I really hated about IM was the fact that grading seemed so subjective and based on luck. When I would get verbal feedback from my residents/attendings, they would tell me I'm doing a great job and wouldn't really tell me things I should improve on, but in the written evals that count towards my grade, they would only give me a pass or high pass...and some would tell me that they don't give out higher than high passes....Perhaps I'm being too whiny about this, but I know that I want to go into a fairly competitive program in NYC, and I know third year grades matter a lot (basically getting honors). So yea, I guess I just need to rock the hell out of the shelf exam to even have a shot at getting an honors in IM.
In regards to my dating life, it's still been nonexistent. Well not completely. I've been talking to a couple of guys online/texts and we were actually supposed to meet up this week, but due to the hurricane, had to cancel everything. And I guess everyone's priorities revolve around getting power back/cleaning things around/outside the house, so who knows when I'll go on another date. I also met a guy online who ended up coming over to my place (after we talked for weeks)...but I'll have to save that story for another time haha.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Out and Proud? Part II
So a couple of months ago, I wrote a post about my inability to come out at work/rotations because I'm afraid it will affect my grade. I wish I could say that this has changed since then, but it hasn't, and I've actually had a number of experiences where people have just assumed even further that I'm straight.
Today's example actually ticked me off a little bit (actually it ticked me off a lot). This year, our family medicine clerkship got revamped, so instead of a month of family medicine, we have family medicine days one day, every other week, for the entire academic year. They think it'll help with longitudinal relationships with patients (yea..that's not gonna happen).
This also means I'm stuck with one preceptor for the entire year....and to say that I'm having a horrible time with this preceptor is an understatement. I was actually interested in going into family medicine as one of my possible residencies..but this preceptor has deterred me from that decision. I've asked to get placed with another preceptor with no avail (surprise surprise).
The first thing that bothers me about her is the fact that she does not let me see patients on my own before she sees them. It's essentially become like a shadowing program. I'm not learning anything! I've even asked her if I could see the patients first because it's something we're expected to do, but so far, I've only seen one patient on my own (and she interrupted us midway).
The more aggravating thing about her is her unprofessionalism. She always talks to me about patients that irritate her, and of course, I'm not going to say, "please stop being inappropriate" cause she basically determines my entire grade. So I just nod along...
One time, an Indian patient came for a checkup, and afterwards, my preceptor would comment on how much the patient smelled and how she needs to get some air freshener in the room....I mean come on! What kind of physician are you?
Now how does this tie into the whole theme of me not being able to come out at work? Well today, there was a patient who came in cause of an episode of rectal bleeding/blood in his stool that he was worried about. After working up the patient, my preceptor comments on how she forgot to ask him if he's had any anal intercourse. And then she says, to me, "well he seemed like a normal guy so he probably didn't have any. right? he looked like a normal guy, right?". At that moment, I had the urge to say, "so...gay guys aren't normal??" but again, I had to refrain myself, telling myself that this woman will determine my entire grade. Damnit.
Afterwards I began to wonder if she would have said that if she knew that I was gay. I'm tempted to go in in 2 weeks and wear very flamboyant clothing and just show her how gay and fabulous I am...but that's not me and I don't think it's right for her to assume that I'm straight in the first place. Actually, it's not right for her to think that straight sex = normal and gay sex = abnormal. Man, I thought doctors were supposed to be educated!
Today's example actually ticked me off a little bit (actually it ticked me off a lot). This year, our family medicine clerkship got revamped, so instead of a month of family medicine, we have family medicine days one day, every other week, for the entire academic year. They think it'll help with longitudinal relationships with patients (yea..that's not gonna happen).
This also means I'm stuck with one preceptor for the entire year....and to say that I'm having a horrible time with this preceptor is an understatement. I was actually interested in going into family medicine as one of my possible residencies..but this preceptor has deterred me from that decision. I've asked to get placed with another preceptor with no avail (surprise surprise).
The first thing that bothers me about her is the fact that she does not let me see patients on my own before she sees them. It's essentially become like a shadowing program. I'm not learning anything! I've even asked her if I could see the patients first because it's something we're expected to do, but so far, I've only seen one patient on my own (and she interrupted us midway).
The more aggravating thing about her is her unprofessionalism. She always talks to me about patients that irritate her, and of course, I'm not going to say, "please stop being inappropriate" cause she basically determines my entire grade. So I just nod along...
One time, an Indian patient came for a checkup, and afterwards, my preceptor would comment on how much the patient smelled and how she needs to get some air freshener in the room....I mean come on! What kind of physician are you?
Now how does this tie into the whole theme of me not being able to come out at work? Well today, there was a patient who came in cause of an episode of rectal bleeding/blood in his stool that he was worried about. After working up the patient, my preceptor comments on how she forgot to ask him if he's had any anal intercourse. And then she says, to me, "well he seemed like a normal guy so he probably didn't have any. right? he looked like a normal guy, right?". At that moment, I had the urge to say, "so...gay guys aren't normal??" but again, I had to refrain myself, telling myself that this woman will determine my entire grade. Damnit.
Afterwards I began to wonder if she would have said that if she knew that I was gay. I'm tempted to go in in 2 weeks and wear very flamboyant clothing and just show her how gay and fabulous I am...but that's not me and I don't think it's right for her to assume that I'm straight in the first place. Actually, it's not right for her to think that straight sex = normal and gay sex = abnormal. Man, I thought doctors were supposed to be educated!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
My obsession with trashy TV
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| Shane Meaney from BB14 |
I've actually never watched a full season of Big Brother, and I couldn't watch the entire season this time around too, but one of the reasons why I've tuned into a number of episodes is because of this guy right here....--> Don't let the pink tank top fool you, he's straight. But he is definitely my type in terms of how he looks and just his competitiveness/masculinity (real men wear pink right?). He was actually evicted (after being backstabbed) this past week and I was actually pretty upset..wow my life is sad haha.
 |
| yea...more reasons I'm watching this show |
Another show that has been one of my favorites for the past couple of years is..Glee haha. I'm not ashamed to admit it! Even though the storyline took a plunge for the past two seasons, I'm still pretty obsessed with most of their songs. It also helps that they added two new actors to the cast...both of whom can really sing and are not hard on the eyes. One of them, Dean Geyer (unfortunately he's not gay as his last name suggests), hails from Australia/South Africa, and yea I'll definitely be hoping he gets a lot of screen time. The first episode was actually pretty decent, so I'm hoping this season has some good storylines.
I also started watching the New Normal and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna continue watching it. It's definitely something I can relate to (not that I have a partner and am trying to have a baby anytime soon) but it seems like a real-life situation of gay couples. And yes, Justin Bartha is not bad to look at either haha. Do I just choose shows cause they have good looking casts? I also realized I would probably be doing amazingly better at school if I wasn't watching a lot of TV...oops.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Take two, Getting the hang of things, and Peace
Since I haven't been that great at updating my blog, this post is going to jump around from topic to topic...sorry if it's confusing.
So in my search to try to be more active in my dating scene, I actually dled grindr on my phone...and let's just say it's been interesting. No I actually haven't met up with any of the guys that I talked to, but it's definitely opened my eyes. The first thing I've noticed was, WOW, there are a lot of creepers/weirdos out there. Some people also don't know how to take no for an answer...making themselves sound a little stalkerish..Another thing I've noticed is the importance of showing some skin on the picture. For awhile, I just had a face picture up, and, even though I would get messages from some guys, it definitely wasn't too many. I decided then to put up a picture of my face and, of course, my shirtless torso. As soon as I posted that picture, I feel like the number of guys who've messaged me has tripled (yes, including the weirdos). I mean I guess I should be slightly flattered, but then it got me thinking...uh, is my face ugly? haha. but I mean honestly, do I have to forever maintain a decent body to be considered attractive?! I guess everyone has their own preference. Since I'm not the hooking up type, grindr does seem like a waste of time, but I'll just keep it around for fun?
Onto the next topic of my school/rotation life. Medicine is still pretty difficult. I work on average 11-12 hours a day and when I'm home, I try to stay on top of the readings and try to prepare for the next day. It's basically forced me to just think about medicine 24/7, which is not a great life to have. I am liking the rotation though, despite the long hours and the fact that we spend so much time rounding on patients! I like the whole, trying to figure out what's wrong with the patient and bouncing ideas off of everyone on the team. I've also been surprising myself on how much information I've been able to retain from the first two years, but of course, there are endless amount of questions I get wrong when I get pimped from the attending. I do feel like I have a good relationship with everyone on my team, and I'm hoping my evaluations reflect that. Yes, I'm still doing my best to get honors in every rotation (I was able to get it in peds!) so I guess I'm just gonna have to continue to work hard. On a side note though, I will NEVER ever throw a fellow classmate under the bus or do anything else that would make me look better than them, I'll never be that desperate for a better grade. Unfortunately, some of my classmates don't share this sentiment, and are completely unaware of how much everyone else despises them.
Finally, I went to church today for the first time in awhile. I don't really like going to church when I'm back home, especially since I don't really have a home church, so while I was on peds, it was difficult for me to routinely go to church. I do feel like I have a church to call my own when I'm out near my school, so I'm really glad I was able to go back today and realize how much I've needed some time with God. It's been so easy for me to get caught up with school/rotations that I just put my faith and my relationship with God on the side, so it was a great reminder to me that there are more important things in life than school. Hopefully this reminder doesn't go down the drain as soon as the work week starts tomorrow.
Anyways, hope everyone enjoyed their summer and are soaking up the last few days of sunny, nice weather!
So in my search to try to be more active in my dating scene, I actually dled grindr on my phone...and let's just say it's been interesting. No I actually haven't met up with any of the guys that I talked to, but it's definitely opened my eyes. The first thing I've noticed was, WOW, there are a lot of creepers/weirdos out there. Some people also don't know how to take no for an answer...making themselves sound a little stalkerish..Another thing I've noticed is the importance of showing some skin on the picture. For awhile, I just had a face picture up, and, even though I would get messages from some guys, it definitely wasn't too many. I decided then to put up a picture of my face and, of course, my shirtless torso. As soon as I posted that picture, I feel like the number of guys who've messaged me has tripled (yes, including the weirdos). I mean I guess I should be slightly flattered, but then it got me thinking...uh, is my face ugly? haha. but I mean honestly, do I have to forever maintain a decent body to be considered attractive?! I guess everyone has their own preference. Since I'm not the hooking up type, grindr does seem like a waste of time, but I'll just keep it around for fun?
Onto the next topic of my school/rotation life. Medicine is still pretty difficult. I work on average 11-12 hours a day and when I'm home, I try to stay on top of the readings and try to prepare for the next day. It's basically forced me to just think about medicine 24/7, which is not a great life to have. I am liking the rotation though, despite the long hours and the fact that we spend so much time rounding on patients! I like the whole, trying to figure out what's wrong with the patient and bouncing ideas off of everyone on the team. I've also been surprising myself on how much information I've been able to retain from the first two years, but of course, there are endless amount of questions I get wrong when I get pimped from the attending. I do feel like I have a good relationship with everyone on my team, and I'm hoping my evaluations reflect that. Yes, I'm still doing my best to get honors in every rotation (I was able to get it in peds!) so I guess I'm just gonna have to continue to work hard. On a side note though, I will NEVER ever throw a fellow classmate under the bus or do anything else that would make me look better than them, I'll never be that desperate for a better grade. Unfortunately, some of my classmates don't share this sentiment, and are completely unaware of how much everyone else despises them.
Finally, I went to church today for the first time in awhile. I don't really like going to church when I'm back home, especially since I don't really have a home church, so while I was on peds, it was difficult for me to routinely go to church. I do feel like I have a church to call my own when I'm out near my school, so I'm really glad I was able to go back today and realize how much I've needed some time with God. It's been so easy for me to get caught up with school/rotations that I just put my faith and my relationship with God on the side, so it was a great reminder to me that there are more important things in life than school. Hopefully this reminder doesn't go down the drain as soon as the work week starts tomorrow.
Anyways, hope everyone enjoyed their summer and are soaking up the last few days of sunny, nice weather!
Monday, August 27, 2012
So...this is Medicine
So I finished my pediatrics rotations last week (with an incredibly hard shelf exam) and had a very very hectic weekend. I literally partied with my school friends from 2 pm till like 4 am on Friday, lost my voice afterwards, had to volunteer during the day on Saturday, and then went into the city Saturday night to meet up and party some more with my college friends. Let's just say I wish I had taken the weekend to catch up on my sleep...but I still had an amazing time so no regrets.
Today was the first day of my medicine rotation...and I am already stressed out. I expected us to just have a quick orientation and then have the day off, but nope, we just dove right into our responsibilities. I guess doing pediatrics (especially pediatrics at a really chill place with a small number of patients) really spoiled me because the floor in medicine is a lot busier. I also realized that doing pediatrics put me in a mindset that most patients have one diagnosis, but I quickly realized that most of the patients on the medicine floor have ~10 comorbidities. I forgot that people can have diseases other than herpangina, gastritis, and asthma. I guess I just felt really lost because I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do on the floor, and all the superiors were too busy to explain things too. Hopefully it's quieter tomorrow so I can clarify things.
Even though I felt like I hardly did anything today, I pronounced the death of a patient for the first time ever. He wasn't even my patient, but the senior resident needed a witness so I volunteered. Supposedly the patient was in late stages of dementia and was well into his 80s, but just seeing the patient lie in bed, literally lifeless, was quite surreal. After checking the absence of a heartbeat, pulse, and pupillary reflex, the senior resident told me to look at my watch and just say it exactly like they do in the movies, "Time of death is so and so". Amidst all the chaos and stress, I was quickly brought back to earth to realize how short our lives are. I don't even think it's fully hit me that the patient died today, but I pray that he did not have to suffer through much, and that his family has made their peace with it too. I know I'm going to encounter a lot more deaths (hopefully none of them will be the result of my mistakes) in the future, but it's definitely gonna take time to get used to it.
Today was the first day of my medicine rotation...and I am already stressed out. I expected us to just have a quick orientation and then have the day off, but nope, we just dove right into our responsibilities. I guess doing pediatrics (especially pediatrics at a really chill place with a small number of patients) really spoiled me because the floor in medicine is a lot busier. I also realized that doing pediatrics put me in a mindset that most patients have one diagnosis, but I quickly realized that most of the patients on the medicine floor have ~10 comorbidities. I forgot that people can have diseases other than herpangina, gastritis, and asthma. I guess I just felt really lost because I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do on the floor, and all the superiors were too busy to explain things too. Hopefully it's quieter tomorrow so I can clarify things.
Even though I felt like I hardly did anything today, I pronounced the death of a patient for the first time ever. He wasn't even my patient, but the senior resident needed a witness so I volunteered. Supposedly the patient was in late stages of dementia and was well into his 80s, but just seeing the patient lie in bed, literally lifeless, was quite surreal. After checking the absence of a heartbeat, pulse, and pupillary reflex, the senior resident told me to look at my watch and just say it exactly like they do in the movies, "Time of death is so and so". Amidst all the chaos and stress, I was quickly brought back to earth to realize how short our lives are. I don't even think it's fully hit me that the patient died today, but I pray that he did not have to suffer through much, and that his family has made their peace with it too. I know I'm going to encounter a lot more deaths (hopefully none of them will be the result of my mistakes) in the future, but it's definitely gonna take time to get used to it.
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